He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
