You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
