dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
