i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
