The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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