Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize