If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have tasted many bathrooms
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
