awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
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I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His nipple licking is glorious
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