I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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