I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
should my penis look like a turkey
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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