dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
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Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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