Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
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They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
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Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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