i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I could fuck to npr.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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