YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
