Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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