Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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