I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
