Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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