Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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