he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
