some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
