I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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