i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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