Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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