Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize