I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
