thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
