On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
