We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Non-Jews are for practice
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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