I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
