The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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