she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
