when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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