Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
