Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
