guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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