Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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