How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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