to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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