What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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