capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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