Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I still have a little drunk in my system
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
