Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sarcasm needs its own font
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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