The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
operation harelip BJ is a go
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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