a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
