how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize