I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The Olympian is in my bed
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize