So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
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I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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