hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
