So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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