I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
