Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
