he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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