the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Randomize
